For You, My Love: Christmas Series
by Clair De Lune Reves
Summary: Saix is determined to have the best Christmas ever, and to have it with Xemnas at that. Things start falling apart when he and Xemnas don't see eye to eye though, and Saix can only wonder if this will be the best Christmas, or the worst.Part 4 of 4!XemSai


Everything had to be perfect, of that there could be no doubt. Everything was planned, calculated to the last detail, and failure would not be accepted. As Second in Command of Organization XIII, Saix had witnessed his share of disastrous plans, and of things falling apart before their eyes. Today that wouldn't happen though, it couldn't happen! Saix wasn't completely sure how his gift would be taken, as his Superior was a very hard man to guess, but Saix was determined not to let thoughts like that frighten him. Somehow, all of this would work, one way or another. Saix smiled to himself as he left his room, getting prepared to put his plan into action. He knew it was an unearthly hour, but that didn't matter. The Diviner had never needed much sleep, especially not during the night hours, when his element shone above him so bright. He also knew that the Superior wasn't one who needed much sleep, staying up days at a time to work on reports and plans, while Kingdom Hearts constantly took in the flow of hearts, growing stronger. Soon it would be ready, and once more they would be whole…

It was this thought that made the Diviner frown, worry coming to his eyes. None of them were quite sure what would happen to them once they were joined with their hearts once more, though Saix had a secret fear that they might return to the worlds they once lived on, no longer in the control of Darkness, and therefore not able to see each other ever again. Demyx was his strongest argument in this theory, as he had once been a merman, and couldn't live on land once his heart returned him to Myde.

No, these were thoughts for another time, another day. Not Christmas, not when he had his gift to worry about. Shaking these thoughts off, Saix continued on his way to his Superior, the smile once again playing on his lips.

I-VII-I-VII

Xemnas' room was dark when Saix entered, the only light coming from the heart shaped Moon that governed them all. The Superior himself was sitting at his desk, working on papers, just as Saix had thought he would be.

"Merry Christmas, Superior."

Xemnas looked up, surprised to find his Second there, having not heard him come in.

"Yes, of course, and to you, Saix…"

"I hope you don't plan on spending the whole holiday working, Superior…"

Xemnas smiled a little as he looked up at the Diviner, who looked serious as always.

"Of course not. I suppose that since I allow this holiday to take place, I might as well enjoy it some myself. Come, since we're already both awake, lets take a walk."

Saix nodded as his Superior stood and crossed the room to stand beside him, then began leading him through the halls of Never Was Castle.

"Do you not like the holidays, Superior? You always seem to tolerate that some of us celebrate them, but you never seem to participate in them."

"I never really celebrated Christmas, and if I ever did, then I don't remember doing it. I suppose I don't have any memories of the event to speak of, so it's never been a big part of my life."

"Well, there's always time to make memories, correct?"

Saix smiled slightly, something that most members couldn't say they had ever seen. The man usually kept to himself, always the quiet, cold one. Not so, around Xemnas it seemed.

Passing by one of the living rooms, Saix noticed Lexaeus already awake, wrapping a present with great care, a shimmering purple paper hiding the gift from sight. For Zexion, no doubt. Every year the pair always swore they weren't going to get presents for anyone, not even each other, and every year, while they did indeed forget some of the other members, they never failed to get something to trade with one another.

Xemnas sighed, having noticed the display as well.

"What's wrong, Sir? Do you not approve of V and VI's tradition?"

"It doesn't make sense, really, but I suppose the thought is kind."

They came to the council chamber then, both entering Where Nothing Gathers by habit.

"What doesn't make sense? Just because they always convince themselves that they won't be giving gifts and then do anyway?"

"No, it's not that. It's… The thought of giving a gift, in general. Gifts come from the heart, and we have no hearts to speak of. It's just strange how they think these exchanges mean so much, when there's no way they can."

Saix felt his determination falter slightly. He looked to the floor, not daring to look anymore at the man before him.

"But, maybe they feel Christmas is different. It's always been spoken of Christmas magic, maybe they feel it take some sort of hold."

"V and VI are hardly the kind who pay attention to things like that. It's probably just the way of the holiday that takes a hold of them."

"Of course, they may actually mean it…"

Even without looking up, Saix knew something had flashed in his Superior's eyes. He was about to be walking dangerous territories.

"What do you mean? How could they actually mean it?"

"Well, there might be some truth in IX's words, about… About our hearts…"

Absentmindedly, he began to walk around the council room, stopping only to pick up a book from the floor, wondering how Zexion had been careless enough to forget one of his precious books.

"If I'm not mistaken, Number IX has a strange belief that we do have hearts…"

"Yes, Sir, he does. And maybe, in some way, we might…"

Saix dared look up at that point, finding Xemnas staring straight at him, eyes narrowed.

"What's brought this on, Number VII?"

"I've just been thinking about it all, Superior, and… Having, strange emotions, Sir."

"Memories of emotions, Saix. Only things you remember."

"No, Superior. This is nothing I remember. This is new…"

Saix wanted to cast his gaze down again, but refrained. He mentally cursed himself for having to fall in love with his own Superior, out of everyone.

"So, now you're falling into their games as well? You believe you somehow still have a heart?"

"I know it was taken from me, Superior, but maybe… Maybe we somehow still hold a sense of a heart. A deeper, more attached part of it, something that could never be taken…"

"Saix, out of everyone here, you were the one I thought would know better than to fall into this!"

"I haven't, but you can't deny that it could be true, that somehow we might still…"

"I'm sorry, Saix, but I believe that our Christmas is over."

Cold dread fell over Saix.

"You can't be serious?"

"I am."

His grip on the book tightened, Saix not quite sure if he just wanted to throw it in anger, or let the Berserker take over, releasing his frustration.

"Superior, it was just a suggestion."

"A suggestion that could cost us everything, Saix! If any of us have any doubts about our existence, then we might not work as hard to complete Kingdom Hearts to become whole again!"

"What if some of us don't care to be whole again!?"

Xemnas' glare was enough to murder someone on the spot, but Saix was putting on a display of his own to counter that.

Brushing past his Superior before he had a chance to retaliate, Saix pushed through the door of the council room, only noticing the Flurry because of his bright red hair.

Mentally composing himself, Saix turned his attention on Axel, who flinched back a little.

"Hi, Saix… Umm, Merry Christmas!"

Indeed…

Not wanting to lie, Saix merely pushed the book into Axel's hands.

"Number VI must have left that in the council room. Could you please return it to him?"

Axel looked at him in pure terror for a minute, before he finally nodded, which was all Saix wanted.

Without another word, he stormed away from the Flurry, from Where Nothing Gathers, and from the source of all his anger and confusion.

I-VII-I-VII

It had all started out right, then the conversation had taken on the wrong turn… Saix wasn't sure what he had been expecting to happen, thinking Xemnas would listen to his reasoning, hoping that he would agree with him… Then, he had never really gotten a chance to explain himself, either… He would have, if Xemnas would listen to any of them for a change. Sure, he was the Superior, and thus had the right to tell all of them what they should or shouldn't do, but that didn't mean he had to ignore the rest of their thoughts.

Saix was fuming again, all the calm he had been trying to retain defeated by the sheer degree of his anger. His day was turning out anything but the way he had planned it…

"Why can't you just do like you're told and put it up!?"

"I was using it, I just got off for a minute!"

"I don't care, I'm not in the mood for this! You can blame Marluxia for that!"

Saix wouldn't admit it out loud, but hearing Larxene wasn't having the best of days actually made him feel better about his day.

It was at that moment that he happened to come across the two youngest neophytes, Saix being the eldest of them. Larxene's eyes snapped up to see who the newcomer was, and Saix could see the cruel smile that crept along her lips for a fraction of a second, before she put on her most pleading look and ran to Saix, grabbing a hold of his arm.

"Saix, Roxas did it again! He left his skateboard in the middle of the hall, just so he could trip me!"

"I did not! I didn't even know anyone else was awake yet!"

"He did! And now he's telling me that it's my fault and I should have been more careful!"

Saix knew she was lying; it wasn't unlike the Nymph at all to abuse the other members any chance she got. But today, Saix found that he welcomed her nature.

"Is this true, Roxas?"

"No! I didn't do it on purpose! I mean, I was just amusing myself, I didn't think anyone else would be awake! Oooh, this is all Demyx's fault, if he hadn't of woken me up at four in the morning…!"

"He did, he did! He's just trying to get out of punishment! And he can't do that!"

"Indeed."

Larxene's expression was pure evil, Roxas' one of pure terror. Saix's gaze was calm, like usual when around the other members, but his yellow eyes were still glowing, which he figured they had been since his meeting with Xemnas. It was this gaze he turned on Roxas.

The youngest Nobody looked as if he could run the length of Never Was, and probably keep running.

"Saix, can I punish Number XIII? Please…"

"Only if you know a suitable punishment."

"Oh, I do…"

The smile on Larxene's face grew even wider, her gaze falling on her friend. Roxas stumbled back. Friends or not, he knew Larxene's love for torture, and it wasn't the most appealing.

"Oh, Roxas, I've had the most horrible day!" Larxene cried, putting her arm around the shorter neophyte. "Marluxia waking me up, and now this! You're going to have to listen to my tale, dear, and then help make my day brighter!"

This probably meant some form of torture for Roxas, who merely stared up in horror.

And then he did the only thing that seemed within reason, and he broke from Larxene's grip and ran for it.

"Hey, get back here! I'm not done with you yet!" Larxene shot after him with all the speed of a ninja, but Roxas had already gotten on his skateboard, gaining a lead on her.

Saix sighed, knowing that if Roxas didn't get away then he was going to be in even more trouble than before. He made a mental note that he'd have to apologize later for that, but as for now, it didn't really bother him much. Roxas was the one who choose to be friends with Larxene, after all, and this is what you got when you were friends with her.

Turning away from where the two Nobodies had just gone, Saix opened a portal into the Darkness, stepping inside and going to the only place where he felt he might be able to calm himself; The Alter of Naught.

I-VII-I-VII

Staring at the Moon of their world was calming to the azure haired man, though he knew it was also quite dangerous. The Moon gave him his power, his strength, and while having it near calmed him, it also gave him more power, power that Saix would have to be careful to control. If he had had this much energy during his first encounter with Xemnas… Saix sighed, trying not to think of that anymore. Whatever had happened to ruin his day, it was done now, and he couldn't change that. Now, he was content to stare at the Moon, letting it's light wash over him…

"Hello again, Number VII."

Saix flinched, moving to the side to allow his Superior to come and stand beside him, his gaze on Kingdom Hearts.

"Hello, Superior…"

"You look annoyed."

"Yes, I've been dealing with Numbers XII and XIII, who has apparently been dealing with Number IX…"

It wasn't the whole truth, but it was suitable.

Neither spoke another word, Saix not sure what he would say if he attempted conversation. Never had he been on as much guard as he was at this moment.

Finally:

"So, if you wouldn't mind telling me, why is it exactly that you suddenly find no need to have your heart returned?"

Saix turned to look at his Superior, trying to choose his words carefully.

"If they were to return to us, we don't know where we'd end up, Sir. Wouldn't we return to who we were before, and thus go to our original worlds? Myde wouldn't be able to survive any other way, at least…"

"All of us used to live on our own worlds, before this happened."

"But we didn't know one another then, Superior, save for you and the other Apprentices. Now that we all do…"

"You've become attached to the other members?"

"A few, yes…"

"Even without a heart?"

"Yes."

Xemnas sighed, but Saix didn't look away this time. His determination had returned in full force now, and he wasn't going to just back down.

"Superior, I know it seems improbable, but have you not become attached to any of us? Not even, one of us…"

Saix caught the note his voice had taken, the hidden meaning behind his words… It seemed Xemnas had too, for his eyes became cold again.

"How could I, Saix?"

The hope that had been left in him was gone so quickly that Saix thought he'd die from the feeling of emptiness.

"Of course, Superior…"

He turned and walked away from Xemnas then, leaving the edge of the Alter.

"Saix?"

He stopped and turned, casting his gaze back at his Superior. Xemnas was looking back at him now, seeming to be struggling with the words he couldn't say. After a minute, he sighed and turned back to the heart Moon.

When Saix realized the conversation was over, he opened a portal of Darkness and stepped through, leaving the Alter behind.

I-VII-I-VII

Saix now found himself with a new problem. He couldn't go back to the Alter of Naught, and he wasn't that fond of the idea of spending Christmas in his Addled Impasse, which left him to just wander the hallways. Why did Xemnas have to be so stubborn! He had a perfect Christmas planned, and that man's pride had got in the way!

Saix sighed. Of course his Superior was stubborn, it was one of the many reasons why Saix had fallen in love with him, no matter how much of an inconvenience it was. Now though, he had nowhere to go, nor anyone to spend Christmas with…

"Demyx, watch…!"

Saix looked up at the sound of Vexen's voice, the next instant finding the smaller Nocturne crashing into him, knocking them both down.

"I'm so sorry, Saix!"

Saix blinked a few times, dazed by the sudden impact of IX, then stood up, Demyx slowly standing next to him, steadying himself.

"Really Demyx, shouldn't you watch where you're running to?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to! I just had to get away from the kitchen before Axel got there and caught me, and… Saix, are you okay?"

The Nocturne looked at the Diviner in concern, his eyes glowing like usual.

"I'm fine, Demyx."

"Are you sure? You don't look fine."

Saix sighed. The Nocturne knew him better than a lot of people, since the younger had become attached to him the moment he had arrived at the Organization.

Demyx had followed him around exactly as the tide follows the Moon, which made it increasingly hard not to become attached to the boy.

"Demyx, believe me. I'll be fine."

"Meaning you're not right now… What happened?"

"It's nothing. Just… It hasn't really been the Christmas I thought it would be."

Tears actually swam in the Nocturne's eyes.

"I'm so sorry! Why!? I was sure you and Superior would be spending it together."

Saix closed his eyes for a second, trying to forget their last encounter, and when he opened his eyes Demyx was nodding.

"It's Superior, then, isn't it? I should have known…"

A smile suddenly spread to his lips, and the next instant he was hugging Saix.

"It'll be okay. You know how Superior is, always denying things. But it'll be okay, you'll see! You'll have a Merry Christmas!"

Demyx pulled away then, smiling, before laughing mischievously.

"Trust me, you will! Now go and see that I'm right. Again. I'm right a lot, and none of you seem to acknowledge that! Well, whatever, you'll all see! Merry Christmas, Saix!"

"Merry Christmas, Demyx…"

With that, the Nocturne began to skip away, Saix watching after him curiously. That child was strange; there could be no denying that. But Saix was fond of him, something else he couldn't deny. Shaking his head, Saix continued on his aimless walk, wondering if Demyx's words would prove true in the end.

I-VII-I-VII

Only a few minutes after leaving Demyx, Saix found that he had run into the one person in the whole Organization that he was sure he wouldn't see. The sight was so shocking that he found himself stop in the middle of the hallway, an eyebrow raised.

"Luxord… You're awake."

The Gambler stopped before Saix, sighing slightly.

"Yes, I know. I wasn't planning to be, mind you, but I am…"

"Am I correct in assuming that Xigbar had something to do with this?"

"Very correct… So, how has your Christmas been then?"

"Not the best…"

Luxord nodding, seeming to understand immediately, just as Demyx had done. Saix scowled. These two knew him too well… But then, he and Luxord were the oldest in age in the neophytes, so it had been natural that they had become friends soon after X had arrived… But that still didn't give them so much right to know him so well…

"I'm sure it will get better, it might just take some time."

Saix nodded, sighing.

"And it might help that you kept your temper in check more."

"My temper had nothing to do with this!"

Luxord held up a finger, silencing the Diviner.

"There you go, losing it already. I don't think that's the right approach, do you?"

"No… You're right…"

Saix was still scowling though, not liking at all that he had just succeeded in proving himself wrong.

"Well, I have to go get my own Christmas started, and I suggest you follow my advice, or end up spending yours alone."

Saix nodded, watching as the Gambler continued down the hallway. Keeping his temper in check wasn't always the easiest thing for the Diviner, but he knew Luxord was right…

Letting all of his anger wash out of him, Saix continued his walk, this time not as aimlessly as before.

I-VII-I-VII

He was walking down a corridor close to where their Christmas tree was when he found Xemnas again, who appeared to be looking for him as well.

"Superior, I…"

Before he could finish though, Xemnas had taken his hand, beginning to pull him into one of the rooms off of the hallway.

Once they were in the room and the door was closed, Xemnas sighed.

"Saix, I'm sorry… I shouldn't have reacted the way I did to you."

"No, Superior, I shouldn't have brought any of that up…"

"It's what you believe. If we all hid what we believed we'd never get anywhere new…"

He sighed then.

"So, as I've learned today, you fear that once we're whole again, then we won't be able to see each other anymore."

"Yes."

"Actually, that could very well be the case, and if it is, I know quite a few people who will be against that…"

Saix nodded, when a small smile began to play upon Xemnas' lips.

"To be honest with you, I myself wouldn't be that happy if that were to happen. There is someone I would miss far too much."

Saix looked up, yellow eyes meeting gold, a new hope filling the Diviner.

"Superior?"

Xemnas did smile then, suddenly casting his gaze upwards, Saix following the action. His breath caught at the sight of the mistletoe. He looked back at his Superior, who was still smiling. Xemnas then leaned down, placing his lips upon those of his shocked Second. It didn't take Saix more than a second before he brushed off his shock, falling into the sensation of having his Superior's lips on his. They pulled apart finally, though Saix found he nearly pulled the taller man back, not wishing the moment to end.

"I love you, Saix."

Saix stared at Xemnas in wonder, not quite sure how his day had taken this turn, and not completely caring. A soft smile suddenly crept to his lips.

"As I love you, Xemnas."

The Superior leaned down to place his lips upon his Diviner's once more, again neither wanting to end the kiss, though they finally did.

A thought suddenly came to Saix, and he tilted his head slightly.

"I never did get to give you your present…"

Xemnas actually laughed at this, placing his hand under Saix's chin, causing the smaller man to look up at him.

"You've already given me more than I could ever ask for, Saix."

A smile came to Saix, causing his eyes to glow even brighter than they already had been, and this time it was he who leaned up to place his lips upon Xemnas', neither willing to ever give the other up.

**FIN!**

**Author's Comment: Yay, the series is now complete! And now everything should make sense! Oh, and this was a Christmas present to myself, because I love these two so much. And props to anyone who can figure out what Saix was going to give Xemnas without any clues whatsoever! One of my friends on dA actually guessed it! =)**

**Once again, I do not own anyone in this story. And please no flames! I totally love these two, but I know not everyone does! So if you don't, then please keep your comments to yourself! Thank you!**


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